Deeper into dream...

Hey...

...so...

...back again?

I will try and feed you another post then.

Firstly, I would like to say thanks to everyone who read my first post, and for all the positive comments I've received. It is always strange for me, to accept praise for something like this. I used to have faith in my creative abilities and really I still do, but my self-doubt often clouds that and makes me think I can't really do anything good or worthwhile. Even after I've actually done something - even if I like it - I still tend to pick it apart and find all the reasons it's no good and eventually dismiss it altogether.
Writing in particular, is an odd one for me. I haven't written anything for so long.  Writing about this kind of subject, putting these feelings out there in my own handwriting so to speak, is pretty nerve-wracking!
So thank you.

I want to delve into dreams again now...

A friend (Spike of http://diaryofageekyguy.blogspot.co.uk/) suggested some interpretations for my reoccurring dream and I'd like to share some of them here, with my own comments where I've thought through what he said...

"To see fish swimming in your dream signifies insights from your subconscious mind. Thus to catch a fish represents insights which have been brought to the surface."  
(In most of my dreams, I don't actually move the fish physically or catch them. I feel I am supposed to, but I don't dream myself doing it. I just go back and fore between the tanks looking into them and trying to work out where they should all go.
In one of the only ones where I can remember trying to move some of them, I was putting my hand into a particularly dark-watered tank, and was bitten by a scary, eel-like creature with nasty teeth!
I could take from this then, that for me the insights are there, just out of reach. The things I need to work out, to keep my life from being 'messy' are right there. But reaching out for them is something I'm not doing. Is this why I keep having the dream?
When I have reached out, I have experienced pain. Maybe some of the insights are painful truths that I need to learn to accept.)

"Perhaps your dream could be telling you that 'there are plenty of other fish in the sea' with regards to some relationship issue."
(I have the dream when I perceive life getting 'messy' around me. By 'mess', I often do mean relationship issues. More than once, I have put myself into situations where I am trying to choose between people. Trying to work out logically (read: over-thinking) which is 'right'. Like trying to put the fish into the right tanks, I am usually incredibly anxious that if I choose wrong it will work out worse for everyone involved. Often this leads to me not doing any real choosing, putting it off as much as I can, which is far worse than just making one wrong decision and learning from it.
This doesn't only apply to relationship issues, I inwardly panic about most choices I have to make, for anything from what job I should go for, down to what I should do that evening!)

"To dream that you are cleaning fish suggests that you are altering your emotional expression in a way that will be presentable to others. You are censoring yourself and not expressing how you completely feel." 
(Definitely. I also feel like I need to be strong - that my problems don't merit attention or fuss, and that it would be selfish to divert attention away from worthier causes to focus on mine. I like to present a strong front for other people, so I can be there for them....and so they'll like me. This strong image doesn't fit with being depressed or panicky, so I hide those feelings.)

"To dream that a small fish is attacking a big fish implies that you should not underestimate someone's ability because of their size. Consider whether you sympathize with the small fish or the big fish..."
(This one made me realise... for all my worries and stress in the dreams, I don't actually see any of the fish die or get eaten. Even though I don't end up moving them usually. The problems I perceive may not even exist.)

"To dream that an unusually large fish is attacking you suggests that you are avoiding some emotional issue that is growing into a huge problem. You are suppressing so much of your feelings that it is affecting your well-being"

"...applying it to your [more recent] dream, it sounds like you see everyone else expressing themselves openly, however, your fish tank needs to be cleaned and therefore you are censoring yourself and not expressing how you completely feel.
Maybe it's your subconscious telling you that you struggle to express yourself or open up fully."  

"To see animals in your dream represent your own physical characteristic, primitive desires, and sexual nature, depending on the qualities of the particular animal. Animals symbolize the untamed and uncivilized aspects of yourself. Thus, to dream that you are fighting with an animal signifies a hidden part of yourself that you are trying to reject and push back into your subconscious. Refer to the specific animal in your dream.

So it sounds like your dreams are an attempt made by your brain to organise itself, maybe you just have too much on your plate and your mind is struggling to balance. It does mention the animals also represent a hidden part of yourself that you are trying to reject and push back so it's another form of not expressing yourself fully."  
(Rabbits and rats and hamsters...I can guess rabbits may represent a sexual tension. I don't know so much about rats, maybe suppressed intelligence? Like when I'm worried about speaking my mind.
Hamsters?
...I still don't know...)

Quite a lot to think about...